So We Got Married

Fair warning: we're cheapskates. This is not the place to find a grand event. We had a small-ish cozy, diy, churchy wedding. We did the food ourselves, I wore a vintage dress I restored myself, the flower girl's outfit was bought on sale and was *gasp* machine washable. And horror of horrors we didn't employ a professional photographer (Lots of our friends took lots of lovely photos and gave them to us!) And made our own cake. We had so much fun!

  

  

We had a rocking time, and Bloke packing my trainers in the van was GENIUS. By about half six my feet were in agony, a change of shoes was heavenly. However getting married on a Saturday means you should really book some form of transport from the reception to wherever you're staying that night well in advance. The taxis hellish by the time we decided it was time to head so we walked through the town centre at half eleven on a Saturday night. Lots of fun but I think most of people thought we were a publicity stunt.

Anyway, I really need to get back to the mountain of packing that has to be done,

Minnie xoxo

Wedding Style: Kidlets

We're in the official less than a month to the wedding run up. So I'm going to share my current trend loves available on-line and/or the British high street. Today, its Flower Girls, Page Boys and other tiny guests and members of the wedding party. And all under £50.

I am a massive fan of this hydrangea print dress from Monsoon. It's stocked in a range of baby sizes from 0 to 3 years for £30 and in child sizes from 3 to 12 years at £38.

 

Sticking with light fresh blue, how about this bright pop of colour from Boden mini? Its the Broderie party dress which comes in this blue, a navy and a lovely soft pink in sizes ranging from 1 to 10 years in the sizing. Prices range from £34 to £36.

 

Staying with Boden, and another broderie  dress. On sale to boot! It comes with three sashes in pink, blue and ivory. This time the size range is a bit wider ranging from 1 to 14 years, prices are from £44.40 to £46.80.

How about something a bit brighter for the littles with big personality? This bold floral dress from Next comes in sizes from 3 months to 6 years for £22 to £24. Bargain!

How about this dapper little outfit for the mischievous wee gentlemen in your life? The waistcoat set and trousers are two septate purchases from the same page in sizes 3 months to 6 years, the whole outfit prices range from £34 to £37.

 

For the really, really tiny ladies in attendance how about this gorgeous little floral number for £6? Sizes are from newborn to 6 months.  

 

A little something bright and comfy for very new wedding attendees?  This little fluro knit number is £14 and ranges from 3 months to 18 months from the Topshop mini range.

Or how about this teeny tiny boys outfit? £21, sizes from Newborn to 18 months from John Lewis.

Happy Friday! Minnie xoxo

FOCCUS part 2

So when you take part in the first part of the FOCCUS course you make an appointment with the counsellor to discuss your collated results, how you're partners answers compare to your own.  You are encouraged to talk about the experience together after your first session, and this follow up session is more about gently talking through those answers where you might not see eye to eye, or feel like you're evenly vaguely on the same page.

All fairly simple, all fairly straight forward. So why do it? Well it's easier to have a chat about bank accounts, hypothetical children and hypothetical ageing parents before it happens. And that's really the whole point of FOCCUS whether its a denomination specific version or not, talk about the hard stuff now with the help of a third party before it happens. Marriage is hard. Every one is different. But it helps to be really aware that none of you are mind readers and having some ground work laid down for the great unknown helps.

Would we do it again? Yes. Would I do anything any differently? I think making time for a treat afterwards would have helped. I kept on getting so wound up and agitated before had that by the end of both sessions I was exhausted. Cake and tea or a wee picnic on the way home would have really helped. And don't schedule anything important for afterwards, we went to meet with father K in the evening and I couldn't remember anything. My poor wee brain was frazzled.

I really hope that this wee mini series on FOCCUS is useful to someone, when I was doing my research there were very few positive reviews just reams of horrid experiences on various wedding boards. I assume this is because the majority of people have a similar experience to Bloke and I. Kind, warm, polite staff and a very straight forward common sense approach.

Minnie xoxo

FOCCUS, part 1

Bloke and I are getting married in the Catholic church, and part of that process is taking part in a FOCCUS premarriage course. I made the terrible mistake of searching FOCCUS and reading some of the posts people have made on various wedding sites. This was a bad idea, all these women talking about the arguments, tears and doubt it had all caused. I was now terrified. What had i signed us up for. I have enough problems with the politics of the Catholic church as is. What kind of questions were they going to ask us?!(FOCCUS also comes in a number of versions for various of denominations as well as a religion free version.)

Bloke tried to reassure me. He'd been the one to set up our appointment and the lady from Scottish Marriage Care had sounded lovely he said. And you know what? He was right. They have been lovely so far.

And FOCCUS itself? Its at least 150 very common sense questions. We had to do a few more because Bloke isn't Catholic and we live together, so we had two extra little blocks of about 15 questions apiece. Questions isn't quite correct, statements is more accurate actually and you have the option to agree, disagree or uncertain. And there shouldn't be anything that will shock you assuming you've both talked about money, the prospect of children, careers, the place of your social lives. That you're aware weddings don't magically fix any of your problems, that relationships are hard and that people are flawed and you might encounter problems. Some questions might be a bit shocking for more conservative types, you will be asked to think about the prospect of your partner cheating, statements on your own sexuality and if their is a pregnancy or other aspect that is pushing you into the marriage. And you have to think about how the relationship you have with your own as well as your partners parents might impact on your own relationship.

Once you fill the quiz out separately, its sent away to be computed and after about a week and a half you go back to discuss the results as a couple with a counselor.

See? Nothing to be afraid of. At all I promise. The only thing to be wary of is the smug feeling you'll get from being sure you are complete agreement over everything. More on that come part two...

Minnie xoxo

Oh Look another wedding post! Sorry...

No I'm not sorry. I lied! What a terrible person I am! My wedding dress came this week. Its vintage! The seller described it as ready to wear and with out flaw which of course means it was so dirty it turned the water I washed it in turned grey and it needs a fair amount of of seam repair and neatening. Joy! Well it's been washed. It smells a lot better and isn't nearly as stiff. Look the lining is creamy white! Not yellow! hurrah!

Its been a very weddingy few days, tonight I tackle the invites. Not the filling out but the wording and the look. God help me. I understand why we can't just text every one and say "Oi, cake, some lovely feels and the odd photo opportunity. Be there." but only sort of. Can we have a moment to talk about how expensive stamps are? 60p. 60p for a bloody first class stamp. 50p for a second class stamp. So eh we'll be hand delivering most of them. And yes I am aware that e-invites are all the rage but parents and grand parents across the land are crying out "But i can't put an e-invite on the mantel or in a photo album!" Lets not even get on to the cost of save the dates and thank yous. Urk. Being polite is expensive people!

Tomorrow I will say nothing about the wedding, I promise. If I escape from a sea of "we request the pleasure of your company" that is. 

Minnie xoxo

Move Over Bloke

I have a new love in my life. Her name is the DIY Bride. Other wise known as Mikala Bierma.  This lady is the funniest, I have such a crush on her. I don't think its creepy? Is it creepy. Who knows?! Do we even care?

The videos they kill me dead! Now I am a diy, crafty type but really who wants to put all that effort in to ONE day. Dear prospective wedding guests there will be some lovely life changing moments for the bride and groom and some cake for you. Anything beyond that point is a bonus. SOME SWEETS IN A BAG TO TAKE HOME?! MY GOSH YOU ARE SPOILING US! I'm serious here, the wedding is in July, I have a dress, we have a church there is a reception venue that has a bar. Anything we do on top of this is a bonus. Sorry dudes, we're epic slackers. 

So much hilarity. This will seem totally bizarre to the not crazy not planning a wedding crowd. But not only is there a "ZOMG you have to spend the equivalent of a house deposit on a wedding!" there is an opposite, partially pinterest induced, hipster/diy all the things wedding related pressure. Now I love pinterest as much as the next speccy, sewing machine owning, cake baking, knitter but my word I don't love you all enough to hand fashion individual candies for wedding favours. THERE WILL BE SANDWICHES AND A DJ DEAL WITH IT. And yes that DJ's name might well be "mp3 player hooked up to some amps." Deal with it.

And now to reassure those who will be coming to the wedding. Yes I will feed you. Yes there will be music. But really folks its only one day out of many and lets face it no one wants to hear the wedding has been postponed until they can figure out how to dislodge me from the sofa because I had an unfortunate accident with a hot glue gun and some glitter. 

Yours forever apathetic in planning but very much in love, 

Minnie xoxo

Revisiting Wedding Shame

So the last post was disjointed, weird and rambling. I think my main issue is the shame associated with weddings. "WHAT EVER YOU ARE DOING IS BAD AND WRONG! STOP THAT NOW! ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! ITS YOUR DAY DO WHAT EVER YOU LIKE BUT NOT THAT!"

You spend too much money, or not enough. You are getting married, or you aren't. And you can bet the groom doesn't get the same kind of grilling (except Bloke, but he works with lots of little old ladies who want to know everything about him.) The problem is of course is that this is part of the idea that all the life choices women make are up for public discussion. Education. Marriage (and I include all legal and non legal bindings that may or may not be refereed to as marriage in here.) Babies, or not. And how much effort you put or not into the latter. Its all up for discussion and criticism! See also how you spend your money, the extent of your grooming regime and any other number of bizarre life choices.

Weddings are defiantly the big palooza though. Every one has an opinion, EVERYONE. And every one reads far too much into it all. Are having a big lavish do? well you must be putting the lot on a credit card! taking it out of your parent retirement fund! You terrible, terrible person. Its only one day! Having a cheap as chips party, making your own dress/buying second hand? You poor, poor dear! This is supposed to be YOUR DAY! Why don't you put it off a for a few years?!

I would say that I suspect these people have missed the point of marriage, but so many people do it. People who are other wise fairly normal. people who you wouldn't expect to be probing your financial and emotional plans.

SO MUCH SHAMING!

Fuck that noise. And on that note I'm off to try out my new delicious smelling coconut shampoo. I'm waiting on a parcel delivery and you can bet as soon as I jump in the shower the door bell will go.

Any of you get ridiculous "wisdom" of late? Minnie xoxo

On weddings and thrift.

Watching last night's Superscripmers wedding episode I was struck with the urge to laugh.

Now don't get me wrong we're a thrifty household, and we will be diying a lot of the wedding. But here's the thing like the lovely ladies at A Practical Wedding like to stress its not always cheaper and some times it better to get some one else to do it. Your own time is something you must take into account.

Its so easy to get caught up in Wedding! and completely forget the whole Marriage bit. "But I'm not participating in the Wedding Industrial Complex, I'm not a Bridezilla, I don't pour over millions of wedding magazines1" Yes, but just how much time do we pour into this? How much does that cost us?

And I am saying this as a woman who is making her own dress and bouquet and will probably be catering her own wedding with bloke and a few willing friends. But this is the kind of wedding we'd have regardless. Emphasis on the we.

If you want a lovely polished wedding, with lovely photos and everything looking shiny and flawless, diying and scrimping on costs just won't give you what you want. If you want a book full of really lovely photos, higher a proper wedding photographer. If you only want a handful of cute candid shots then that's less of an issue and you probably could get away with a flickr pool for every one to load their photos into.

Now on the other hand if you quite frankly don't care and just want to be married and think some cake and dancing is a lovely way to commemorate the occasion and don't care, then yeah. You'll be fine!

Er what I'm trying to say is that its just as easy to get caught up in not being part of the big expensive game of getting married as not. And its not always cheaper to diy and diy greatly depends on your combined talents as a couple.

So just have fun with it? Uh I dunno. I got a bit ranty last night and it think that it's a simple case of in weddings everyone is so ready to judge. Being judgemental is bad guys.

At of the end of the day we all end up married, or something pretty close to married.

Er its early, I may revisit this later when I'm feel less ranty.

Love Minnie xoxo