Tuesday, 25 June 2013

FOCCUS part 2

So when you take part in the first part of the FOCCUS course you make an appointment with the counsellor to discuss your collated results, how you're partners answers compare to your own.  You are encouraged to talk about the experience together after your first session, and this follow up session is more about gently talking through those answers where you might not see eye to eye, or feel like you're evenly vaguely on the same page.

All fairly simple, all fairly straight forward. So why do it? Well it's easier to have a chat about bank accounts, hypothetical children and hypothetical ageing parents before it happens. And that's really the whole point of FOCCUS whether its a denomination specific version or not, talk about the hard stuff now with the help of a third party before it happens. Marriage is hard. Every one is different. But it helps to be really aware that none of you are mind readers and having some ground work laid down for the great unknown helps.

Would we do it again? Yes. Would I do anything any differently? I think making time for a treat afterwards would have helped. I kept on getting so wound up and agitated before had that by the end of both sessions I was exhausted. Cake and tea or a wee picnic on the way home would have really helped. And don't schedule anything important for afterwards, we went to meet with father K in the evening and I couldn't remember anything. My poor wee brain was frazzled.

I really hope that this wee mini series on FOCCUS is useful to someone, when I was doing my research there were very few positive reviews just reams of horrid experiences on various wedding boards. I assume this is because the majority of people have a similar experience to Bloke and I. Kind, warm, polite staff and a very straight forward common sense approach.

Minnie xoxo

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