FOCCUS part 2

So when you take part in the first part of the FOCCUS course you make an appointment with the counsellor to discuss your collated results, how you're partners answers compare to your own.  You are encouraged to talk about the experience together after your first session, and this follow up session is more about gently talking through those answers where you might not see eye to eye, or feel like you're evenly vaguely on the same page.

All fairly simple, all fairly straight forward. So why do it? Well it's easier to have a chat about bank accounts, hypothetical children and hypothetical ageing parents before it happens. And that's really the whole point of FOCCUS whether its a denomination specific version or not, talk about the hard stuff now with the help of a third party before it happens. Marriage is hard. Every one is different. But it helps to be really aware that none of you are mind readers and having some ground work laid down for the great unknown helps.

Would we do it again? Yes. Would I do anything any differently? I think making time for a treat afterwards would have helped. I kept on getting so wound up and agitated before had that by the end of both sessions I was exhausted. Cake and tea or a wee picnic on the way home would have really helped. And don't schedule anything important for afterwards, we went to meet with father K in the evening and I couldn't remember anything. My poor wee brain was frazzled.

I really hope that this wee mini series on FOCCUS is useful to someone, when I was doing my research there were very few positive reviews just reams of horrid experiences on various wedding boards. I assume this is because the majority of people have a similar experience to Bloke and I. Kind, warm, polite staff and a very straight forward common sense approach.

Minnie xoxo

I am in love with a coat

 

This one.  I love it. Alas is costs ever so much. And I'm not sure I could pull it off with out buying some new boots. Its very beautiful all the same. Le sigh. 

Have you fallen for any ridiculous items of clothing?

Minnie xoxo

FOCCUS, part 1

Bloke and I are getting married in the Catholic church, and part of that process is taking part in a FOCCUS premarriage course. I made the terrible mistake of searching FOCCUS and reading some of the posts people have made on various wedding sites. This was a bad idea, all these women talking about the arguments, tears and doubt it had all caused. I was now terrified. What had i signed us up for. I have enough problems with the politics of the Catholic church as is. What kind of questions were they going to ask us?!(FOCCUS also comes in a number of versions for various of denominations as well as a religion free version.)

Bloke tried to reassure me. He'd been the one to set up our appointment and the lady from Scottish Marriage Care had sounded lovely he said. And you know what? He was right. They have been lovely so far.

And FOCCUS itself? Its at least 150 very common sense questions. We had to do a few more because Bloke isn't Catholic and we live together, so we had two extra little blocks of about 15 questions apiece. Questions isn't quite correct, statements is more accurate actually and you have the option to agree, disagree or uncertain. And there shouldn't be anything that will shock you assuming you've both talked about money, the prospect of children, careers, the place of your social lives. That you're aware weddings don't magically fix any of your problems, that relationships are hard and that people are flawed and you might encounter problems. Some questions might be a bit shocking for more conservative types, you will be asked to think about the prospect of your partner cheating, statements on your own sexuality and if their is a pregnancy or other aspect that is pushing you into the marriage. And you have to think about how the relationship you have with your own as well as your partners parents might impact on your own relationship.

Once you fill the quiz out separately, its sent away to be computed and after about a week and a half you go back to discuss the results as a couple with a counselor.

See? Nothing to be afraid of. At all I promise. The only thing to be wary of is the smug feeling you'll get from being sure you are complete agreement over everything. More on that come part two...

Minnie xoxo

Summer

I love summer. Or rather I love Scottish summers. It gets lovely and sunny with out getting too hot. I'm pale and ginger. I don't do heat well. At all. I spend may through to early September slathered in factor 50 suncream. Suncream is a wonderful invention, it means I can hang out outside when Bloke goes on adventures to go biking. Last week we headed up to Comrie Croft in Perthshire, Bloke really likes to take the bike and ride the trails and I like to take a book or some knitting, drink tea and laugh at the chickens. The chickens are really funny, the camping facilities usually mean there are a couple of small children trying to bribe a chicken into going home with them.

Today we headed through to Alva to the Alva Glen. The Ochills are all gorgeous, but the Alva Glen is really special and the paths are all really well maintained and there's plenty of railings which is good if you're a wimp like me.

I love how close we are to so many awesome places. Its really good fun to just jump in the van and go on an explore. especially in summer when the weather is warm and the days are lovely an long.

How are you all spending you free days?

Minnie xoxo

The Passing of Iain Banks.

Others will be far more eloquent, setting down the influence this great man had on their formative years in elegant little quips.

My first experience with banks was in fifth year, Intermediate Two English. We had to choose a book for the personal study section of the qualification. I found myself casting about in the rather small community school library for something I hadn't actually read. This resulted in the librarian, rather exasperated with the mass of teenagers trying to find the smallest book they could get away with, pointing me towards the adult section. I picked up The Crow Road and promptly fell in love. I found solace in the fact that I was not the only neurotic, cynical weirdo in Scotland which is rather helpful when you're at a school with less than 100 pupils.

As an adult I am now fully aware that everyone feels like this. And I learnt this and many other life lessons through banks' brilliant writing.

He will be sorely missed.

Now I'm going to go curl up and reread everything of his I have in the house,

Minnie xoxo

My New Obsession

Yoga. or more specifically Tara Stile's approach to yoga. Its completely woo/spirituality free. Which for me makes it actually enjoyable as just exercise.  No inner peace solves all your problems rubbish, no inaccessible language, and she's a really good instructor, and she posts a ton of stuff for free on you tube. 

I've been attempting to follow her beginner's routine she filmed for live strong woman on Youtube. 

I just roll out my mat on the living room floor with a full water bottler and attempt to keep up. I'm still terrible, but I'm making progress which for me is awesome. I was about as flexible as a plank before I started this. Its great! Its free and I can do it in the privacy of my own home.

I've tried various work out DVDS and fitness classes in my time, but Tara Stiles has really nailed the combination of informative and effective with ease of at home use. Bonus, you don't feel like a fool when you do it.

So I have a bit of a girl crush on her buy guys I feel more flexible that I ever have! My total lack of balance is slowly and surely becoming an actual sense of balance. Even if side planks still totally defeat me I feel like eventually, some day I will manage them.

Anyone else have any newly, mildly creepy obsessions they'd like to share?

Minnie xoxo

UUUGGGHHHH ZOMBIES WANT SLEEP NOT BRAINS UGGGHH

Its been a pretty tough semester. So so busy, I miss people, I MISS GOING OUTSIDE!

The crazy eyes of some one who knows far far too much about far too long ago to have any kind of interesting chat at the hairdressers. "So what have you been up to lately?" "DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN FEMINIST HISTORY AND GENDER HISTORY and yoga.. yoga is fun."

However my hairdresser must deal with a lot of mentals because she just nodded and smiled and me and broke out the rollers, so achieve the above swishy smoothness one usually associates with the Dutchess of Cambridge. And then left me alone for a little while to ponder on my inability to make proper small talk. 

I've also been drinking a lot of tea. Tea make me feel better about life, the world and everything. I should write an ode to tea at some point. But I get so distracted at the prospect of tea to write about it for too long. Proof, I'm off to boil the kettle now. 

And on the same calming, life is awesome even if I'm super stressed out vein - I've been doing loads of yoga at home. In my running tights because I'm awesome like that.

Other random things I've been doing include colouring in these cute new trainer I got. £6 and a sharpie and you can do the same too!

See cute! And they didn't actually take all that long. couple of evening in front of the t.v.

Also it's finally almost nearly summer. Okay so it was raining today but the past few weeks have been getting nicer and nicer. 

Would you look at that blue sky? So gorgeous. 

And finally, it took a lot of searching but we found something to give to my Dad. The man who has everything. 

Powercuts are pretty frequent in the islands, he has an open fire and its got awesome long handles. WINNING!

Tomorrow I sew, do stuff and generally be awesome because it's summer and I HAVE THE FREE TIME NOW. 

Take care dudes, 

Minnie xoxo